Wow! It’s been a while since I’ve written an entry. Alhamdulilah, All is well in my life. It’s down to the wire in regards to my undergraduate education. Only two more months! Yikes! I don’t have any concrete plans but do hope to do something productive inshAllah. I rather not go into detail about my ambitions because it’s slightly disappointing when they don’t work out. When the projects I’ve applied to work out and are set in stone, I will most definitely fill you in on these plans.
Anyway, let’s get back on track. I’ve been meaning to write about the “M” word for a long time…
Yes, marriage! Not too long ago I posted an article about a “Muslim marriage crisis.” I posted this article to my blog because I thought it was an insightful article and felt it was addressing one of the many critical issues in the Muslim community. I never got around to writing my thoughts about it because I didn’t know how to approach the subject and my busy schedule.
No, no I am not getting married, but everyone else is getting married, already married, considering it, or can’t cease to talk about it.
Marriage is a convoluted subject. It’s even more complicated for me because of my cultural background and personal beliefs. I come from a family where arranged marriages are the norm. A few friends have expressed their disgust at this practice, but I find nothing wrong with it when done the proper way. Typically, an arranged marriage in my family is a deal made between a set of parents. The male and female in question do not meet each other until the day of the engagement or nikkah (the religious wedding ceremony). Forget about getting to know each other, the couple has no idea what his/her future spouse even looks like!
I want to clarify for those unfamiliar with Islam that forced marriage isn’t an Islamic practice. Muslims are not supposed to date unless they are seriously interested in marriage. When someone is interested in marriage, he/she can meet a potential spouse in the presence of a chaperone. Couples may meet through mutual friends or through family members and decide to marry after a series of chaperoned dates. Many have turned to technology to aid in their search for a spouse. Websites like Shaadi.com and cell phone text messaging have gained popularity amongst the South Asian and Middle Eastern crowds interested in marriage.
Rigid gender segregation allows little room for men and women to become acquainted with one another on a personal level. This is the primary factor in this marriage crisis. Essentially, many communities prohibit the interaction of males and females, and if anything does happen, these communities have a tendency to attack these couples. If there is such a taboo placed on talking to fellow Muslims, men and women have been known to feel desperate and thus turn to non-Muslims for companionship.
These days I find an increasing number of South Asian and Middle Eastern (Muslim and non-Muslim) students on my campus and community with non-Muslim boyfriends and girlfriends. Male interracial dating and marriage is tolerated, while females are condemned, which is why they are the ones suffering more from this marriage crisis. I know specifically about 5 females in their late 20s who are pharmacists, teachers, grad school graduates, and so on who I am sure would like to get married soon but have been unsuccessful because the “good” guys are taken. Their parents are to blame because they cannot let go of this cultural attitude of “keeping face.” There are Muslim men out there, but these girls don’t have the support to seek them out. Instead, their parents are waiting around for a good guy from the same town, city, or village the family whose family lived in before coming to the States. What the heck?!
Unfortunately, thousands of other Muslimahs are experiencing the same thing.
I blame the elders for this mess.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Wherever, Whenever
I think I am ready to start a new chapter of my life in a new place, a place where I can start afresh. There are memories that I would like to forget, and I think leaving is the best option right now. It's also possible I want to leave because I just can’t sit still in once place and keep my mind on one thing :]
I have lived here my entire life. My great-grandfather stumbled across the Central Valley during the Great Depression era after jumping ship in New York Harbor. He met a woman from Louisiana and started a new life and family with her. This was all before the formation of the modern state of Pakistan, so he had always referred to himself as an Afghan (the history of British colonialism in the subcontinent is a bit complicated). Anyway, he experienced many hardships, but he eventually became successful. I guess you could say we are indebted to the Central Valley. Maybe this just my mentality, but for some reason I have a sense of gratefulness to the places where I have lived. I have lived in Atlanta, Georgia; Ankara, Turkey, and College Park, Maryland where many vivid memories of my adult life were made.
Atlanta, Georgia has a special place in my heart because it was the first place where I made a home outside of California. Despite the slaps of heat on my face, thunderstorms, and flying cockroaches, my summer was categorized by random outdoor excursions, splashing parties on the shallow end of the pool (I still can’t swim!), intense classroom discussions, and lazy days just watching movies and reading books. We also went on an exciting study mission to New York and Washington DC at the end of the program. I met some interesting people in Hotlanta, and despite its urban culture and character, one can still find traces of Southern hospitality. I was also impressed by the activities organized by the Pakistani and Muslim groups, and knew that I would have a find a place in those groups. The summer I left Atlanta, I was making plans to come back for a job and internship. A few weeks later I went to Turkey.
Those close to me know how much I love Turkey, but if you had met me after Atlanta, you would have noticed how much I loved Atlanta as well. After one year away from home, I came for three days and made another trip to College Park, Maryland, a town a few metro stops away from DC. I think in the past year in a half, I have been on a plane over ten times (I count the breaks and side trips). Atlanta, College Park, and Ankara all have a special place in my heart because I’ve lived in those places for extended periods of time. When I came back in August 2008 from Maryland, I was making plans for a job and considering grad school there. Now it’s February 2009, and my mind has changed once again. I am waiting for the wind to take my somewhere. InshAllah, I pray for a good place :]
Peace and Love <3
I have lived here my entire life. My great-grandfather stumbled across the Central Valley during the Great Depression era after jumping ship in New York Harbor. He met a woman from Louisiana and started a new life and family with her. This was all before the formation of the modern state of Pakistan, so he had always referred to himself as an Afghan (the history of British colonialism in the subcontinent is a bit complicated). Anyway, he experienced many hardships, but he eventually became successful. I guess you could say we are indebted to the Central Valley. Maybe this just my mentality, but for some reason I have a sense of gratefulness to the places where I have lived. I have lived in Atlanta, Georgia; Ankara, Turkey, and College Park, Maryland where many vivid memories of my adult life were made.
Atlanta, Georgia has a special place in my heart because it was the first place where I made a home outside of California. Despite the slaps of heat on my face, thunderstorms, and flying cockroaches, my summer was categorized by random outdoor excursions, splashing parties on the shallow end of the pool (I still can’t swim!), intense classroom discussions, and lazy days just watching movies and reading books. We also went on an exciting study mission to New York and Washington DC at the end of the program. I met some interesting people in Hotlanta, and despite its urban culture and character, one can still find traces of Southern hospitality. I was also impressed by the activities organized by the Pakistani and Muslim groups, and knew that I would have a find a place in those groups. The summer I left Atlanta, I was making plans to come back for a job and internship. A few weeks later I went to Turkey.
Those close to me know how much I love Turkey, but if you had met me after Atlanta, you would have noticed how much I loved Atlanta as well. After one year away from home, I came for three days and made another trip to College Park, Maryland, a town a few metro stops away from DC. I think in the past year in a half, I have been on a plane over ten times (I count the breaks and side trips). Atlanta, College Park, and Ankara all have a special place in my heart because I’ve lived in those places for extended periods of time. When I came back in August 2008 from Maryland, I was making plans for a job and considering grad school there. Now it’s February 2009, and my mind has changed once again. I am waiting for the wind to take my somewhere. InshAllah, I pray for a good place :]
Peace and Love <3
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Baby Cuz I am a Thug
Thanks to the internet, the unthinkable is now thinkable. Here is something you don't see everyday-an online nikkah ;) Check out this joke. It's definitely worth the time.
http://maniacmuslim.com/2004/12/21/online-nikkah/
http://maniacmuslim.com/2004/12/21/online-nikkah/
Monday, February 9, 2009
Whatever Doesn't Kill You Only Makes You Stronger ;)
What’s new in my life? I woke up Saturday morning to hear my great-grandmother had passed away (ina lillahi wa ina ilahi rajioon. InshAllah May God grant you heaven). I believe she died in her sleep and felt little discomfort. Her death wasn’t tragic. She had lived for over 90 years mashAllah. Her life, on the other hand, has been full of many ups and downs. I never had the fortunate of meeting her, but her death brought a flood of tears to my eyes, and I feel a bit emotional these days.
We called my great-grandmother, Nani Bibi, with such affection it was as if we had known her all our lives. Perhaps, she was so close to my heart because she raised my mother and her two sisters. She lived through wars, a partition, a broken family, and so much more, but she never became jaded or cynical. She remained steadfast in her prayers until the day she died despite having one functioning leg. She has done things no other woman today could ever have done, and she loved and cared for strange children as if they were her own. I guess it was destined that I was never to meet this woman, but I feel so close to her for some reason.
I don’t mean to bring further depressing news, but I received a negative response from the Fulbright commission last week. I know a lot of you were crossing your fingers for me, but I guess this was meant to happen. I have picked myself up and dusted myself off. I do regret putting all my eggs in one basket, so to speak, for this one award. I gave up the possibility of grad school and law school in hopes I would get such a prestigious award. Maybe this was supposed to teach me a lesson? Anyway, what am I going to do next? I am thinking about teaching and going to grad school. I am also considering volunteer projects in a developing country or something here. If you have any suggestions or ideas let me know! I am open to anything!
Peace and Love <3
We called my great-grandmother, Nani Bibi, with such affection it was as if we had known her all our lives. Perhaps, she was so close to my heart because she raised my mother and her two sisters. She lived through wars, a partition, a broken family, and so much more, but she never became jaded or cynical. She remained steadfast in her prayers until the day she died despite having one functioning leg. She has done things no other woman today could ever have done, and she loved and cared for strange children as if they were her own. I guess it was destined that I was never to meet this woman, but I feel so close to her for some reason.
I don’t mean to bring further depressing news, but I received a negative response from the Fulbright commission last week. I know a lot of you were crossing your fingers for me, but I guess this was meant to happen. I have picked myself up and dusted myself off. I do regret putting all my eggs in one basket, so to speak, for this one award. I gave up the possibility of grad school and law school in hopes I would get such a prestigious award. Maybe this was supposed to teach me a lesson? Anyway, what am I going to do next? I am thinking about teaching and going to grad school. I am also considering volunteer projects in a developing country or something here. If you have any suggestions or ideas let me know! I am open to anything!
Peace and Love <3
Friday, January 30, 2009
I have been back from Ankara for almost nine months now, and my memories from Turkey are still vivid. I used to think the study abroad experience wasn’t a significant experience, but it truly is an unforgettable experience. It’s a bit difficult to summarize what happened in one blog entry, but I am certain future entries will be dedicated to my study abroad experience in Turkey.
Last week’s conversations with one of my dear friends from Turkey left me feeling very nostalgic. I can’t believe it was about a year ago that Erin, Zekiye, and I were saying goodbye to Ishraq. It seems like yesterday I sat defeating numerous people (mostly Erin and Ishraq hahaha…I love you guys!) in tavla (backgammon), playing Uno, drinking chay, and telling jinn stories in Ebi. I think the friends I made then are ones that I will never forget and ones with whom I will continue to keep in touch.
I met some amazing people who taught me so much. I also met some people with whom I didn't get along. I have a feeling culture shock took a toll on a lot of people, which might explain our behaviors. I don’t think I took this well either because prior to my departure from Stockton, I had a conflict with my friends. I talked about an issue face to face with some people who gave a most cruel, childish, and cold response and reaction. I don’t want to say I am confrontational, but I do like to try to get things out in the open. Of course, this has backfired on me, and I have realized that there are certain issues that are worth getting upset over. I am slowly learning how to control my emotions and not take everything personally. Thanks to those who have been patient and honest with me. Some of the best lessons were learned abroad from people who were honest and sincere…I hope and pray for good relations with everyone in my life and nothing but love in my heart for all.
I think one of the reasons why Erin and I miss Turkey so much is because of the people we met. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, but overall my experience was a positive one. It makes me realize that it’s not just about the destination, but who accompanies you to that destination. I know I can never live a life of solitude. I don’t think anyone can for that matter.
Peace and Love
Last week’s conversations with one of my dear friends from Turkey left me feeling very nostalgic. I can’t believe it was about a year ago that Erin, Zekiye, and I were saying goodbye to Ishraq. It seems like yesterday I sat defeating numerous people (mostly Erin and Ishraq hahaha…I love you guys!) in tavla (backgammon), playing Uno, drinking chay, and telling jinn stories in Ebi. I think the friends I made then are ones that I will never forget and ones with whom I will continue to keep in touch.
I met some amazing people who taught me so much. I also met some people with whom I didn't get along. I have a feeling culture shock took a toll on a lot of people, which might explain our behaviors. I don’t think I took this well either because prior to my departure from Stockton, I had a conflict with my friends. I talked about an issue face to face with some people who gave a most cruel, childish, and cold response and reaction. I don’t want to say I am confrontational, but I do like to try to get things out in the open. Of course, this has backfired on me, and I have realized that there are certain issues that are worth getting upset over. I am slowly learning how to control my emotions and not take everything personally. Thanks to those who have been patient and honest with me. Some of the best lessons were learned abroad from people who were honest and sincere…I hope and pray for good relations with everyone in my life and nothing but love in my heart for all.
I think one of the reasons why Erin and I miss Turkey so much is because of the people we met. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, but overall my experience was a positive one. It makes me realize that it’s not just about the destination, but who accompanies you to that destination. I know I can never live a life of solitude. I don’t think anyone can for that matter.
Peace and Love
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Obama's Inaugural Speech
The inaugural speech deserves special attention...
Obama’s speech was phenomenal! His use of syntax, history, and delivery among everything else made this speech wonderful. People have been waiting for a speech like this for decades. Read it at: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090120/ap_on_go_pr_wh/inauguration_obama_text
Obama’s speech was phenomenal! His use of syntax, history, and delivery among everything else made this speech wonderful. People have been waiting for a speech like this for decades. Read it at: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090120/ap_on_go_pr_wh/inauguration_obama_text
I fell in love today...
I fell in love with hope again today...;)
I could not miss out on writing a blog today. Today, January 20, 2009, at noon, President Barack Hussein Obama took office. This indeed was a historic moment. Many people thought this could never happen in their lifetimes. In retrospect, I never even dreamed of this day.
I was fortunate to watch the inauguration ceremony live. It was 8:00am local time when my classmates and I trekked to the university center. To my delight, I found the Pub area backed with people eagerly awaiting the inauguration of the 44th president of the United States. Our new president! The atmosphere was very uplifting, and everyone was jovial. The atmosphere shifted to one of serenity when the oath taking began. Some even shed a few tears. It was truly moving and made me a little emotional, too. Our country truly has come a long way…At the same, however, many Americans like myself can’t help but remember the condition of our country over half a century ago.
Forty years ago Martin Luther King, Jr. was supposedly shot by James Earl Ray. Half a century ago Blacks were prohibited from sitting next to Whites in a restaurant, going to the same schools as Whites, and living a life of prosperity. It wasn’t uncommon for beatings and lynching to occur in some places. It’s undeniable that African-Americans have suffered and continue to suffer from the symptoms of a racist society. If you think about it, the era of segregation wasn’t too long ago. Those individuals who possessed such ideologies are still living and pass these ideologies on to the next generation. I grew up hearing the n-word and was also the target of blatant racism, but I am more hopeful than ever before.
Today, Barack Hussein Obama, the son of an African immigrant, stood on stage. Today, he was the one looking down at people, instead of others looking down on him. Today, he began the leadership so many dream of. This one man encompasses the hopes of entire nation and generation. My prayers and good wishes are with you, President Obama.
I could not miss out on writing a blog today. Today, January 20, 2009, at noon, President Barack Hussein Obama took office. This indeed was a historic moment. Many people thought this could never happen in their lifetimes. In retrospect, I never even dreamed of this day.
I was fortunate to watch the inauguration ceremony live. It was 8:00am local time when my classmates and I trekked to the university center. To my delight, I found the Pub area backed with people eagerly awaiting the inauguration of the 44th president of the United States. Our new president! The atmosphere was very uplifting, and everyone was jovial. The atmosphere shifted to one of serenity when the oath taking began. Some even shed a few tears. It was truly moving and made me a little emotional, too. Our country truly has come a long way…At the same, however, many Americans like myself can’t help but remember the condition of our country over half a century ago.
Forty years ago Martin Luther King, Jr. was supposedly shot by James Earl Ray. Half a century ago Blacks were prohibited from sitting next to Whites in a restaurant, going to the same schools as Whites, and living a life of prosperity. It wasn’t uncommon for beatings and lynching to occur in some places. It’s undeniable that African-Americans have suffered and continue to suffer from the symptoms of a racist society. If you think about it, the era of segregation wasn’t too long ago. Those individuals who possessed such ideologies are still living and pass these ideologies on to the next generation. I grew up hearing the n-word and was also the target of blatant racism, but I am more hopeful than ever before.
Today, Barack Hussein Obama, the son of an African immigrant, stood on stage. Today, he was the one looking down at people, instead of others looking down on him. Today, he began the leadership so many dream of. This one man encompasses the hopes of entire nation and generation. My prayers and good wishes are with you, President Obama.
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